The Lumenarias

They're beautiful inside and out. They're sweet, charming, and caring. They're lovable, loving, and beloved. Always supportive, shoulders to cry on or simply lean on, hands to hold. They'd readily stand up and fight for each other's cause and dish on anyone who'd make their sisters cry. They would, however, also be honest enough to say if our concerns are silly or or if one of us is becoming solipsistic. They keep each other real.

These are the Lumenarias. The "enlightened" women who met each other virtually back when they were just newlyweds and have bonded through time. How they met? Through the newlywedsatwork@yahoogroup.com, where they shared new wifey roles and woes, cleaning and other household keeping tips and tricks, pregnancy concerns, milestones of their children, anniversary celebrations, problems with co-workers, neighbours, and in-laws. After nine + years, they figured they could no longer relate to the much younger newlyweds nor want to share their most intimate thoughts, concerns, and experiences with women they didn't really know. And so Lumenarias was born.

Despite having only reunited for only a little over a month, the Lumenarias welcomed the new pregnancies of a few and sympathised with the loss of one; prayed for the safety of those affected by the Ketsana typhoon and donated what they could for one who was gravely affected by it; swap tried and tested recipes; and continue to make everyone feel good about themselves, while still keeping things real.

I've never had a sister and despite having studied in an all-girl school from preschool to high school, I had difficulty getting close to other women most of my life. Well, that is, save for my mom. But I call these Lumenarias my sisters and I'm glad to be one of them.

A Mom's Pride

Make a Smilebox greeting

Isn't it every parent's pride to see their kids perform on stage, especially if they do it well? Or when a child excels in school or sports?

I've had my share of those and only most recently. My eldest son, Raj, came up behind me last 1 September in the oratory while I was doing my afternoon prayers and loudly whispered (yes, it can be done!), "Guess what, Mom? I went up the stage ten times today (students general assembly)!"

"Ten times," I asked with a puzzled look on my face.

"No, Mom," Raj said and explained further, "I was top ten for the CEM tests in math, science, and English. Then I went up again for sports for winning all my games."

We immediately thanked God for such blessings and after a big hug and kiss from me, he whisked off to play and allow me to hear Mass.

My daughter, Elle, who is in junior kinder, has a different personality and temperament. My husband and I often wondered how she would be like in school, if she would have enough self-esteem. She has always been more reserved, bashful, as compared to her brother (and parents).

First day of school, we were taken aback when she just confidently walked into her classroom, went up to a classmate she knew, and made friends with others she didn't. And two hours later, came out and played with them without looking for me.

Last 6 September, her school celebrated Mothers Day (held annually near or on the Blessed Mother's birthday, which is today) and her class presented a dance to the tune of "Reaching for the Stars" by S Club 7. I simply could not take my eyes off her -- she didn't only dance confidently, but she did so quite well (albeit talking to whomever was beside her at the same time, almost all the time). She never missed a step and looked at me and smiled often.

At the end of the program, all junior kinder students sang Celine Dion's "I'm Your Angel" and once again, Elle stood out. She sang loud and clear, and did the choreographed actions appropriately. Other moms even commented, praising her for performing very well.

I'm sure both kids will surprise us more with their accomplishments and talents as time goes by. I just can't wait.

Wait Sa

"Wait sa,” I often tell one or both my kids whenever they demand my attention. Be it to show me a drawing they made, one after another until we either run out of scratch papers; or to tell me what the other did wrong and thus should be reprimanded; or to ask permission to eat or drink what is normally a treat or dessert saved for special occasions or at least not to be consumed more than once a day; or to relate something very, very important to them, such as that there’s a full moon outside or the dogs are asleep. ”

“Wait sa” has been an automatic response on my part, simply because the attention they demand is more often than not when I’m on the phone, busy working in front of computer trying to meet a deadline.

“Wait sa” is actually a combination of an English word and a Cebuano term. “Sa” is pronounced with emphasis on the letter “a”. The way people here in Cebu say when we mean, “please wait.” It is usually accompanied by a non-verbal sign of raising one hand up, palm facing the person or persons requested to wait. At least that’s what I do and think when I do it.

I’d like to think that I get to teach my kids patience whenever I tell them to “wait sa,” that they cannot get what they want when they want it. Even my attention or consent. I’ve prided myself in successfully getting my 6-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter to actually wait until I am ready to listen to them. Of course, I don’t make them wait for more than 2-5 minutes. Besides, I doubt they’d let me get away with it longer than that.

Recently, though, I asked my son to come to the dining table for lunch. He promptly replied, “Wait sa, Mom,” as he wanted to finish his drawing first. It took him more than 5 minutes, 3 repeated requests on my end, and consequently 3 more “wait sa” responses before he actually went to the table.

A few nights ago, my daughter looked so cute and cuddly I wanted to hug her and so asked her to come to me for a hug. She continuted walking towards whatever it is she was going to get and told me, “Wait sa, Mom.” I asked her again to come to me, telling her sweetly that I missed hugging her and wanted to do so. Again, she said, “Wait sa.”

At this, I retorted and begged, “Wait sa, wait sa. You keep telling me to wait sa. Come na! Please?!!”

The moment I said it I realized that tables had turned and that it was I who was being taught patience by my kids. Elle finally did come over and gave me a big hug. Raj, who didn’t want to be left out or outdone by his sister, rushed towards me and also gave me a hug. And for these, all the “wait sa’s” make it all worthwhile.

To be a Better Mom

The moment I found out I was pregnant with our first child I vowed to myself that I would work hard to be a good mom. With my own mom as model, I told myself I’d try to even be better than she was. I’d be a full time mom, hands on, but would make sure I’d have professional fulfillment with a business I can manage from home (my mom gave up practicing law to be a full time wife and mom).

Of course, being human, I’ve had several shortcomings and mistakes as a mom. Not having enough patience and getting angry at my son; not securing him well enough on bed and so he fell down more than once; not having enough sense not to leave him inside a water pail and so he fell over and had a cut on his forehead; losing control and screaming at him out of frustration once too often. And more.

Each time afterwards I would pray and ask for more patience, more courage, more perseverance. Each time I’d vow to do better, to be a better mom.

Then came baby no. 2. I recall telling myself that I knew better. It was the second time around. I was sure I’d be a better mom.

Although I’d like to think I am better at it, I’m still human. I still falter. I still lack patience. I still lack perseverance. I still lack courage. And so I continue to pray to be a better mom.

But one thing I realized only at the marriage enrichment weekend seminar (entitled “Beyond I Do”) hubby and I attended last year — which I fretted leaving my kids alone with the helpers for 3 whole days (something I never did before) — is that to be a better mom, I have to be a better wife first. Educhild (Education for the Upbringing of Children Foundation) has always been about parenting and for the first time, we learned that parenting starts with mom and dad, hubsand and wife. A good, happy, loving marriage would consquently make a good, happy, loving family.

I still aim to be a better mom everyday. Only now I know that to achieve that, I have to work on being a better wife each day.